today my boyfriend was very aggitated and started treating me very badly,,he then started a fight and and left..(we live seperately)..but calling me and arguing over the phone..after a few times of answering the phone,,i decided to not answer and shut the ringer off..about an hour later he burst into my apartment in a rage and started screaming and i told him he really had to go,the baby was getting upset..he would not and started to scare me ..i went to the front door with the baby and he freaked out..he had a look in his eyes and he grabbed my throat very hard and squeezed it till i was about to pass out,,i had never had that much fear before of him,and telling me he was going to kill me..when he let me go he grabbed me and pushed me into the bedroom while telling me again..i begged him to stop and he finally did...he then went into the other room and started crying ,,first blaming me then telling me he is sorry..he spent the last 3 hours begging me and telling me it will never happen again..this is the 3rd time he has physically assaulted me in one year,,the first 2 were not very bad but fearful..i told him he really needed to get some help and i wanted out..he would not take that..he wants me to let him get some anger management..assaulting me with words and intimidation has happened the whole relationship,,it has been a nightmare relationship,,but i think statistics show that it will only get worse..he told me about his history of abuse with his exes and that he had learned to control it for the last 11 years(well the physical part)..we have been together for 4 1/2 years..IS he really sorry,,i told him to go to the hospital,,but they have dealt with him many times over the past 10 years they dont really give him help he says...he says meds dont work and gets very hateful when he is told things he doesnt want to hear or do...he explodes..today i see just how bad he can get..its been bad a long time and if this continues i believe he will either kill himself or me...when he was arguing on the phone i told him i would get a restraining order if he didnt stop(before he hurt me physically),,but really he is looking at his life and has so much bad feeling that i believe he would walk straight through the restraining order,,and if he did that then it would definately be the end of me because he doesnt do anything half way,,he follows through,and the restraining order would cause him to go after me with rage,,so,,do i believe if he gets help he is safe to let him be some kind of part of my life for the baby ,,or really am i just listening to 3 hours of pleas not to leave him...my neck still hurts,,its a little swollen and the skin feels raw,,but i would have to hide that from my family...i am not looking for sympathy..i just wanted to explain how hard he squeezed..i have created my own hell with the decisions i have made by staying through the abuse and crying the whole time instead of standing up and leaving..i have been standing up little by little for a year..he is extremely intimidating and then so pitiful afterwards..i think i have been listening to his excuses for his behaviour for so long i dont know what to think..he says he wants to better...i am looking for advice and statistics on if he is safe to believe he will get help..i think im still in shock..