From around 6 years old didnt know what it was and my parents just said I was funny in the head. Have had suicide thoughts since I was around 8. Attempted it twice but woke up. Had a break down in my late 20s only then was I diagnosed as having depression. Been struggling with it since then. I am in my 50s now and finding it harder and harder to cope. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up. I have had times when I am able to cope and be positive and not sucomb to this awfulness but from the end of last year it hit me and I cannot see a way out. Its like I am in a pit and cant get out.