Thanks Byzantine...... I can't squash a bug much less "shoot" anyone so you are safe!

I appreciate your information. I will keep it. Next week I see my counselor to help me muddle through the question... IS IT ME OR IS IT THE DEPRESSION? If my husband is truly depressed because of his relationship with me, than by all means, we need to do something about this. If it is the depression, then we need to wait it out. He is ok to the children and he doesn't physically hurt me...yet. I think the children are better off with him here than they would be with us apart. I am trying so hard to keep life as normal for them as possible. Yes they don't see us talk any longer, they don't see us hug and laugh together. They don't see many of the things they saw for many years but I hope they see patience, respect, hard work and tenacity in me as we all deal with this.

I really need some help sorting out the depression from all my faults. That is where I struggle the most. I think it is mostly the depression but I don't want to seem like I am so wonderful and faultless either.... So hard to fight this invisible monster.