Several tramatic events happened to me due to my using in the past, including a disease I'll live with for the rest of my life, but HIV hasn't happened to me but now that y'all speak of it, I dont want it to go that far before I make a change. I think God is preparing me for recovery again. He knows I can't do it on my own so he'd doing it for me. The friends I have are all starting to move away. The ones that use and truely, if they weren't around, I wouldn't use. Why? Because I hate getting high alone. It makes me extremely depressed. I think God knows this so he's slowly moving them all out of my life. Two is moving to GA, one is moving up north, one is going to rehab, and one has went crazy from the dope and has ran off and hasn't been found. I really do believe this is a sign from the Man up above letting me know it's time for me to start over.

I don't want to be a junkie, I don't want to die by the pipe. I want to die knowing I was a good person and did what I could to get and stay clean and help others do the same. It's about time I push the dope out and let God back in. So tired of this lifestyle. They say if you have to lie to cover up something, you shouldn't be doing it and that's your sign that you shouldn't be doing it. Well, I've been having to lie repeatedly to my mom about my drug usage and the people I hang around. She knows I've used some, but she doesn't know the extremes of it nor does she know my "best friend" is a dope dealer so I get all the dope I want for free. So it's time I come clean with her and start over. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's got to stop.