It must be really tough. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Things won't stay like that forever though. You have to fully understand that giving up isn't really an option. We all fail ourselves at some point, but as they say 'It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down. What matters is the number of times you get back up.' And you simply HAVE to get back up. Life is an everlasting struggle for being good and strong. *hugs*