Thanks!! I really do question my sanity in this whole thing! It is just so hard becuase I feel like I try to be honest with him about my feelings and this hurts him more and then he throws back at me that what I'm telling him is much more hurtful than anything he has ever done to me. (I think I just handle being hurt better, I mean it's part of life, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger) and wouldn't you want to know if your spouse was unhappy? Why does he think I am being cruel by telling him that? For example several months before our wedding after many ugly incidents I told him that I was honestly feeling that maybe we should not get married, that I felt we were not "connecting" (we wern't really talking or doing anything enjoyable together and I just started to think that we'd grown up and grown apart and it didn't seem we were going to meet back up anytime soon and that's not how I wanted to feel as a newlywed) and quite frankly I was getting tired of some of his behaviors. His first reaction was to tell me that I was stressed over finances and over our neighbors (at the time we lived in condo with some people who did not like having a sometimes noisy three year old in the building Anyway, in retrospect he basically ignored what I was saying and brushed it off as cold feet...when I insisted that he take me seriously he accused me of having an affair, then apolgised and vowed that he would do anything (including therapy which never happened) because he didn't want to lose his family. Somewhere mixed in this he also told my best friend that he had attempted suicide (I can't help thinking now this was just a mean ploy for sympathy as he knew my best friend would not keep something like that from me) I truly did not believe he would change but God I really wanted to believe it, ya know that maybe we could really become stronger for all of it and I was also somewhat swayed by his argument that maybe I was just very frazzled what with everything that was going in our lives at the time. Obviously though nothing has changed and it's more than a year later and I feel like I made a huge mistake...and I've told him that because I want to be honest about my feelings but I think I've just hurt him more because he truly doesn't understand it and now I feel incredibly guitly. I don't want to hurt him...I really want more than anything to help him and we've both said and done things we should not have whatever the intent and I can forgive but right now he's too blinded by anger over what I've told him and he's actually convinced that he's genetically predisposed to being an @%$hole!! (his words not mine) So I can't see him wholeheartedly jumping into therapy anytime soon. Arrgh this whole thing is so frustrating...I know he has to want to change but I don't think he is willing to even admit that he has some issues to work out (he goes back and forth on me from: "I'm just a jerk, that who I am" to "why don't you grow up with my parents and see who you become" (He has a very successful, happily married,well adjusted sister by the way) He thinks that everyone is always "making him the scapegoat" and in a way I think he encourages that by being so cold and negative to everyone. It's like giving someone a dirty look and then complaining they don't like you. I'm so frustrated. I hate the idea of failing at anything, especially something as important as my marriage and now he's accusing me of somehow deceiving him by marrying him (which was exactly what I was trying to avoid by baring my soul before the wedding!!)