>>makes me feel foolish for not being able to solve this problem myself

Not foolish!!! Family "connections" whether healthy or unhealthy can be the hardest things to see "objectively" because they are so colored by perception our whole lives... for a long period of time they are our "whole world"... like it has been said, the reason it is so easy for your parents to "push your buttons" is because they are the one's who installed them

That's why we have places like this where we can get others ideas... we can't be objective about our own families but it is much easier to be so with others... so we can toss you ideas and thoughts and then you can decide if any of them are appropriate, practical, something you want to try.

In fact that is a very smart way of "doing business"... I'm not just being pedantic here... it shows your LACK of foolishness that you come here, are able to express your concerns and seek other solutions. Assuming that a solution MUST be acheived by oneself without any help or ideas from others... THAT is the "foolish" track IMO.