My Support Forums - View Single Post - even at church abusers can be found......

anderson · Oct 31, 2010, 05:31 PM

It is a Sunday and those within have just sat and relax. I had not put two to two together, the stress of going to church to see the ones that did not hate that which was different from them. Yet being near those that have hurt us in the past. Now that we are more able to acknowledge how those around us make us feel within. It is easier to stay away from church. It is not that we do not miss the ones that welcomed us but as long as they too choice to believe that we do not know who has hurt us regardless if it was physically or emotionally then they can not be trusted to give us safe buffers from those that we need space from.
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As we type we remembered how some of those that had hurt us used the power play “We are Gods family, there is no reason for you not to talk to us.” That one still has those within to have tiffs about it. To that one we still say that we will talk to them when they can talk to my face the way they talk about us behind our back. But not only that if is God’s family and that I / we are suppose to talk with all the people that are there. Then why is it when we ask to become members so that we could participate with the Stevens Ministry why were we denied. The people looked right at me and told me that there was no way that I could do it and they had made sure of it by not allowing me to become a member of the church.
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The Pastor is a true man of God but has his hands tied by the church members. He is one of the few that even despite public bigotry did his best to help give us safety and help us heal. Where other members of the cloth choice to act against us or turn a blind eye towards how the other members choice to treat us.
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He once made a statement of a dogs brain was not much bigger then a walnut and yet they were able to do so much. To that statement we replied it was Gods gift to them for if they thought like we do then we would have taught them long ago not to accept themselves just like we teach each other. I think we caught him by surprise with that statement.
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But it is true first someone in our childhood taught us that we were not human but their property to do to us what they wanted to do and no one cared enough to tell us differently. Then when we tried to find a hope there where others that used what we were taught to control us. To make us look and act in a manner that allowed other to abuse the body with out fear of repercussion.
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We just read about how a scientist in the early 1900’s went to a prison and got the agreement of the management to allow him to control the environment. He told the guards that they had the authority to do what ever they wanted to do no one would stop them. It only took a few months then he canceled the experiment. The guards had become so abusive towards the inmates that he could not believe it. But it does prove that man or woman given the leeway to do things without fear. Will allow their shadow selfs to control their choices and take pleasure from the pain of others. This takes place even in the very church that proclaim that only love guides their action and decisions. My T even asked why the pastor was safe to us. We could look her in her eyes and tell her “He is one of the men that has never touched us in a non-kosher manner. All within trust him not to physically hurt us.” Right along with some others from church.
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But what makes him so different from the others? Why does this person allow his personal worth reflect in both his public and private life? Yet those that have left burses on my body act so differently when others are around and when they can catch the body alone? In the process that we have recall of these people that have hurt us in the past. One thing that has wrung true those that speak the loudest against us in public are the ones that we have parts and memoirs of them hurt us.
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We do not speak up against them to loudly except to say that when those that speak the loudest against us look in the mirror they must look dang ugly to themselves for we only see the ugliness that their choices have made them.
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Even in the tidal wave of pain from the abuse we try our best to judge a person by the color of his soul. Which is saying by how he choices to act towards others.
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We do miss the people within the church that are open and honest. But at this point and time we do not miss the dark souls that have hurt us and act in public that they have never did anything to us. When we feel safe within we may or will go back but that will be at the time that we know that we can be safe regardless of who is there or not.