Thanks rhiannon. I feel like it is my fault because I obviously didn't set my boundaries firm enough in the beginning. But then I think "He didn't have to set boundaries for me to know what is and isn't respectful so why should I HAVE to?" Some of the stuff he says and does just seem like things a 27 yr old man should know not to say and do.

It is in no way your fault. He is the abusive one and he is the one who needs to tone it down, not you. You're right when you say that he should know what to say and do. Simple fact is that he is either too lazy to to, or he wants you to be intimidated and cowed so that you will conform out of fear.

And I kind of feel like he moved here with me to trap me. Like "well I did all this so you can't leave now" type of thing. Just I know I don't have the resources to leave right now and it's really hard to keep a smile going when really I just want out. But I feel that's what I have to do to keep things kosher until the end.

You are 100% right. He found someone who was ripe as far as he was concerned and he thought he could bully you easily into conforming and not resisting his abuse.

I guess I just wish emotional abuse wasn't so hard to define because any time I bring it up he says well he doesn't hit me, so it's not really abuse. But reading some of these articles, they describe almost word for word what an abuser does and some of it is exactly what he does to me.

Thanks again. I hate needing the reassurance but it helps me get through it.

That is his way of pretending that it isn't abuse. He's an abuser hiding behind his own justification and denial. Abuse it abuse, whether it's shouting at someone, deprivation of liberty, simply because he thinks he hasn't harmed you in a physical way doesn't mean he is right or thinking right. Every time your blood pressure goes up it is a strain on your heart. You are worth way more than any of his justifications and way way more than his abuse.

NEVER feel bad needing assurance, we all need it at some time and you deserve it greatly. gently pinich a little bit of skin on your arm, roll it gently between your thumb and forefinger...and realise that this is you, and this needs and is worth protection,

Love and blessings to you