welcome to pc, redbucket. read your public profile and your post here. first thought i had was if you want to get a better understanding of all that concerns you that therapy may be a constructive start for solutions in my humble opinion. i have found cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT, helped me the most. i also found that a phd psychologist was a good match for me. lastly the success of my therapy landed squarely on my shoulders...what efforts i put into it, the greater the positive result. if i was not active in my own therapy the result was nil.
sounds like there are enough concerns that you have to keep you busy. therapy is hard work but for me it gave me a clearer understanding of who i am, coupled with better coping skills and resolution on things that troubled me.
i'm curious, what is it you don't like about yourself? your outward hatred towards others could be coming from within.i read your primary concern in your profile. that sounds serious to me. getting help may be the most urgent thing you do right now. i encourage you to do that.
i'm hoping your post was sincere.....we care about each other here and try to be suportive.
see you around the forums.