hi. well, you say that you want a friend with benefits. isn't that what relationships are? based on what you have said, your negative view of love is holding you back. where does this come from? you see, you don't seem to have any personal experience to back it up since you've never been in a romantic relationship. relationships are compromises. i like that you seem to be holding out for love but it seems you need some experience in order to make informed decisions. i like that you're taking things slow. there is no need to rush to lose one's virginity but you might consider making a plan and setting relationship / friendship goals and talking about your feelings of being controlled with potential lovers. you know, do a reality check to see if these feelings are valid or are irrational thoughts.