Melbadaze have your feelings about the various options changed in the last couple of weeks? Easier to deal with? Harder? up and down? Could you merge a couple of those approaches? are there other options? What if yr T were to team up with someone of a different specialty? IDK...

I sense that you feel sort of trapped, unable to breathe, unable to get up on a high place and see your way clearly. that's a very disadvantaged postion from which to make a good decision. I'm so sorry

I am saying prayers for you on this All Saints' Day (and henceforward), for so many facets of the things you put in your post. I hope you find some peace in which to weigh your situation, and a wise, disinterested (meaning impartial) counsel to help you walk through your thought processes. All is not lost, even if it does feel rough around the edges. (((((((((((((((((((( mdaze ))))))))))))))))))))))