Thanks Inkblot, Candy and GG

I do have a T I just haven't been in a while. I can go talk with him but I know this too sounds crazy but I have like a sty and dont wanna see him looking all crappy

On the ideas no they usually don't freak me when I FEEL like I am thinking these thoughts but what freaks me is not the thought....Hell I KNOW how I will off myself when the day comes....it was the experience of it like NOT being me..like I was waking up to that small period of time I was thinking it...does this make sense in exlaining this better..For the life of me I don't know why I would think or flip out like that cause things have been kinda pretty good for ME lately.....I mean I knew it was ME thinking it but it was so away from me it wasnt like it was me