Pretty depressed, actually. Hoping it's just situational, and not brain chemicals. Descended in a big way last night and continues today.

Situationally: I'm pretty burnt out on my job (a huge issue with me, all through the years, but it's undoubtably because I've only had one job where I liked what I was doing, and it only lasted 1 1/2 years!), the BF legal incident and how that will all play out (though I'm less stressed about it than before...TG), and just plain boredom.

Ongoing situationally: profound loneliness. (No friends here and the few people I hung out with a bit from before apparently have tossed me over the edge of the earth.) Either home, or at work, where there is extremely litte interaction with other people. BF's job is too hard on him physically, so he's almost always tired and sleeps. A LOT. I don't mind my own company, but this is too much.

And... think this is the main thing that triggered it down to depths unseen recently... holiday letdown. Do you know what I mean? Halloween is my favorite holiday. Soooo much effort into it (though it was very enjoyable), then the one day comes and is over. Didn't do anything, go anywhere (except work) and the few people I texted and emailed didn't respond. It was like the classic being dressed up with nowhere to go. Even thought about putting on my raven costume just to hang around the apartment(!) Then decided it would just be worse, as would going out by myself (something I usually have no problem with). Was afraid it would send me over the edge. Did watch Wallace and Gromit's Curse of the Wererabbit though, which is adorable and funny.

So last night I just sat around in a major funk. Even cried a bit (which I can only rarely do) and had relentless ruminations, but couldn't stop them.

Not situationally? Don't know. Just really hoping it's not the brain chemicals...

Yeah, I know... waaah waaah waaah... Sorry.

I don't need any hugs or anything (no, really, it's ok). Just need something IRL.