HI redbucket! Welcome! I read your post and I thought of a conversation I had with my father-in-law who basically said what you said. He wasn't sure if he hated people and it made him anxious or if he was scared of people and he hated what he ws afraid of. Hey, I admit. People can be really scarey.
I hope that you might be able to talk through some of this here with us. In my case, you don't have to even like me, as long as you fel like you can talk to me and get something out of it, I'm here, and I think there are probably a lot others like me here.
Hope to hear from you again some time!