hi. i can relate to what you are saying. I feel like that most of the time. it's hard to talk, period. therapist or no therapist. when you are depressed, your brain fogs up and you can't really articulate what's going on, much less find the source and implement the coping skills necessary to deal with depression. I freeze up in therapy a lot. I think of all this stuff i want to talk about beforehand, and when i get there i go blank. making a short list helps. start with ten items and narrow it down to two or three. try not to beat yourself up. try to relax and trust that your t is there for you and will not judge you. there is no right or wrong in therapy. sometimes just knowing you made it to the office is good enough.
when you feel so bad, you might want to think about getting out of the house. that can be extremely difficult but it can change your perspective. go to walgreens or take a walk, just stand outside and look at the sky. tell yourself you are doing the best you can right now. you are not alone even tho it might feel that way. with love, petra