I also had a neglectful mother(and father, for that matter) which resulted in not only being the subject of unfair treatment but horrific trauma and abuse as well.

I've done just what our ever so wise Lynn has said---
I don't think of "her" as my mother but just as a woman that I happen to know. I learned how so very damaged she is due to her own childhood. She is mentally ill and unable to have a mother-daughter relationship-- ever. So I'm done barking up that tree-- it's never going to happen.

I think the "reframing" has to come from within yourself and not involve the other person if that person is too ill/damaged to comply/understand your feeings and hopes.

I don't know if you've heard of the book-- "Will I Ever be Good Enough; healing daughters of narcissistic mothers"..... within this book you may find validation and coping abilities like I did.

I wish you much healing and understanding.

My PM is always open if you need to reach out.

fins