Hey Luke:
I completely understand your guilt. My mom died when I was 15, and I had been in a rebellious phase when she got sick. I remember slapping her face one time when she was angry at me. I felt tons of guilt for a long time.

However, 20 years later, I look back on that and can realize a few things:

1) she probably understood that teenage angst is a common thing, because she was once a teenager herself, and probably said she hated her parents when she was a teenager
2) I believe that she knew that I loved her very much, despite my words, and realized that the words I was using were really a substitute for feelings I didn't know how to express due to my age
3) I was young and made mistakes. I would never do something like that now. We can and should forgive ourselves, especially for things we did when we were young.

Lukeyeats, what's important is that you forgive yourself, and start TODAY by treating people kindly. You learned a hard lesson about saying things you might regret later, but in a way, you are lucky because you have an entire lifetime ahead of you to appreciate the people around you in a way that maybe others don't yet know how to do.

Peace,
LMo