Brennan,

I moved back home when I was 23 to help my dad out because he became such a mess while he drank. He soiled/wet himself, he'd forget things (like going on dates with his then-girlfriend), and he'd fall asleep while smoking cigarettes. This stemmed from his never being able to cope with my mom's accidental death from heart surgery. He never knew much about his dad since he left when my dad was a baby, but he always wondered if alcoholism followed in his dad's genes.

The only way I was able to cope with losing the dad that I used to have was that I attended Al Anon. I found some amazing people there, and my first day there, I got the phone numbers of almost 30 people -- every single person who was at the meeting, and they told me that if I ever felt the need to talk to someone, to call at any time of the day, and call ANYONE. I will never forget how happy I was to talk to people who understood.

I'm just so sorry that you're parents are picking up the feelings that you're throwing up at them with how disappointed you are in them for not being the type of parents that a 15 year old needs. I would see if you have a friend (maybe a little bit older, who drives), or another relative, and see if you can go to an Al Anon meeting. Maybe the support of your friend/relative will help, as well. My first meeting was very emotional, and I wasn't sure why I was crying so much. I didn't say anything other than hello, and my name, but I just cried my eyes out. I think the relief of finding people who care is what made me cry from sheer happiness.

And you are completely right - alcohol will NOT solve your problems. After all, you see how it affects your parents - your mom gets abusive, and your dad gets depressed.

I'm sending out love and hugs to you because I know it's hard. And if you would like to chat more, please feel free to PM me.