I can't sit still for too long without thinking of something to do with my time....and since my masters degree has not been able to help me find a job. I have decided to pursue becoming a Personal Trainer. BUT I wonder if my decision to become a Personal Trainer is a good thing? I mean I love to workout and I love the idea of helping other people in this regard. But why don't I feel happy about other aspects of my life? I mean working out is great, and I don't want to stop. But couldn't me working out be my way of not facing what I NEVER want to face....which is anything that limits my ability to do something? When I workout, I feel I can do anything and succeed. I want to be that Bionic Woman, but everything I am learning and the pain I am feeling makes me feel that me working out doesn't have the end product I have been trying to achieve which is the physical endurance/ability I had before I was hit by a car. I KNOW this sounds CRAZY, but if you try to improve physically and you succeed more and more with each attempt, and then prove doctors wrong with everything they have told you, like you won't be able to walk...won't you have to believe that anything is possible if you give 100% of yourself? Everyone tells you you can't do it, but you know you can....and you do.....it is a HIGH that I never want to let go of. And I feel I can't stop working out because if I did and settled for what I am...I STOP living.
I went to therapy thinking I would find an answer to why I was feeling the way that I feel...incomplete, unworthy, and mad to name a few adjectives. And I guess I did....by me thinking way too much and organizing my thoughts. But now I don't know how to SOLVE or CORRECT what I have been thinking? And I definitely do not know how to express this to my therapist!

I would LOVE anyone's insight! I have been trying to figure this out in MY head, but I just keep going around on the same ride....getting angrier and angrier.