This is what I sent to my T and we are going to discuss on Tuesday...

Hi T,
I need a little help wrapping my brain around the concept of reframing my relationship with my mom and what that means to reframe.

She cannot be an active participant – knowingly.
I have to think of my mom in a different context as painful as it is. I can’t expect her to be more to me than a person (not a mom) as sad as I feel about that.

I don’t know if I can come to terms with this. I so desperately want peace.

Right now I see my mom one – two times a month. One time for her to visit with the grandkids and on occasion if I’m desperate and alone I will call her to see if she wants to go shopping – I spend time with her having this unrealistic expectation that we can be ‘close’ and I end up hurting again and say to myself– What the Hell Where You Thinking??????(feelings from the past come up). If I didn’t have my mom in my life at all there would be some level of peace I suppose but then all hope is lost for having any connection with her as painful as it is…. and Yet I feel like I’m driving myself crazy with the past hurts.

What I want for a relationship with her I will never have. What I have now is all I will ever have and I guess I need to come to terms with that.

Can you please help me find a direction for where to start on this?? Does any of what I’m saying make sense?? I feel that what I want will never match up to what she can offer. This is so hard. I feel like I’m mourning my ‘relationship’ with her.

If you aren’t into responding via email please call me if you can.

Thanks.
Geez