Yeah, I relate to how you feel about saying no with bosses. I've got a strong work ethic, which makes it even worse. I often do it much to my own peril (um, like tonight...on the edge of a breakdown) and even then. Sigh.

BUT. It also took me till about late 30's to realize that I needed to learn to say no, as not being able to do so was making me totally miserable. It took practice, but worthwhile. Another thing to keep in mind is that there can be more than one way to say no. One is a flat out no, but there is also the option of stating what you will do, which is, of course, setting boundaries. (So see, in this way, even technically, using this approach, you can say no! ) Things like, "I can work till 6." No explanation. Just statement.

Also beware of "have tos" and "shoulds". (Got that one right from therapy.) Framing things in that way gets to be a reflex and one which should be questioned, or at least considered. It's amazing how many things we think of this way that really aren't. Big thing on that though is that it helps with prioritizing, so that you don't always end up on the bottom.

Speaking of triggers everywhere, I was just thinking today how prone I am to triggering is directly and proportionally related to the state I'm in.