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lynn09 · Nov 03, 2010, 08:48 PM

Hi, Cherrios! I think I understand what you are saying here; but, if I miss the mark, please don't hesitate to set me straight.

You have found "success" in one aspect of your life - overcoming the physical limitations imposed on you as a result of injury you incurred in an auto accident. I experienced something very similar in the 1970s after a number of back surgeries to correct a genetic defect of the 5th lumbar vertebra. It took about 6 years of hard work, walking 5 miles per day with 10-pound weights strapped to my feet plus other exercises to strengthen the muslces in my back and legs before I was able to walk without stumbling or falling over, and before I could jog and know that the proper foot would hit the ground when it was supposed to. My doctors told me that I would never water ski, or ride horseback, or be able to lift anything that weighed more than 5 pounds, etc. - and every time I managed to do something they said I couldn't do, I called them to let them know about it. This did give me a tremendous sense of accomplishment - that "high" you spoke of - and continuing to work out to keep my legs functioning physically always felt really good. But, there were other aspects of my life that were still a mess - and, yes - that physical exercise can become an escape, something you turn to to get that sense of accomplishment since no other aspect of your life is providing that feeling, and you can fall into the trap of chasing that "high," as well as the trap of believing that you can get that same feeling from applying 100% of yourself to other goals.

The reality is, however, that we can never really commit 100% of ourselves to any one thing - life simply isn't structured that way. And even other things that we do commit a large percentage of our attention, time, and energy to daily do not always provide us with that same intensity of feelings that are produced now by your physical activity. Remember, it isn't just overcoming your physical limitations that produce those feelings - that physical activity also causes your brain and body to manufacture and release into your system a number of chemicals - "feel good" hormones and neurotransmitters - endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, etc. Doing anything we find interesting or pleasurable causes the same physical responses in the brain and body, but the levels may not be as elevated as would occur with strenuous physical activity.

The real issue I think is your reason for questioning your decision to become a Personal Trainer. If you are having difficulty finding employment in your chosen Master's field and you think you would enjoy working as a Personal Trainer, what's the harm? Even if you find later on that it isn't providing what you need to derive from it, it still is not wasted knowledge, time, experience, etc. You may end up having many different careers in your life as your interests and needs change over time, but you will take with you everything you have learned from your previous experiences and apply them to your new experiences - and to other aspects of your personal life, as well. Life is a continual series of decision-making, and you can't always know exactly how something is going to work out for you until you actually do that thing and find out - then, if necessary, you make another decision to change direction perhaps and you find out where that pathway leads you.

I think it's interesting that you used the term "incomplete" in describing your present feelings about yourself. Truth is that we are ALL "incomplete." No one starts out life being 100% complete. It takes time and various experiences and making decision after decision to gradually define ourselves and our lives - a trial-and-error process that helps us become bit by bit who we want to be regardless of what we are doing at any given moment to earn a living. What difference does it make at this point why you are considering pursuing becoming a Personal Trainer since you have no idea of how that experience is going to impact multiple facets of your life until you actually do it? If it's not the right path for you, you will find that out and that experience may actually help to expose you to people and information that will eventually help lead you to whatever career will give you enough of a sense of purpose and satisfaction to be worth the time and effort you put into it. Who knows - perhaps it will lead you into becoming a Physical Therapist, or into a different area altogether. Just step out on the path and see where it leads.

Perhaps it would help to think of it this way - see the tremendous sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that you now derive from overcoming your physical impairment as simply a glimpse of what is possible - but understand that realistically there will always be some limitations to what we can achieve due to the basic laws of physics, etc. Also, be realistic about that "high" you say you don't want to let go of - more than likely there is nothing that anyone can do to sustain that level of "high" consistently and indefinitely, so don't allow yourself to become a slave to chasing it. Balance is the key for long-term consistent and sustainable growth whether physical, psychological, or spiritual - and be careful of what standard you establish for measuring your worthiness and happiness against - if it's set too rigid and high to be attainable, then you will miss out on experiencing the satisfaction of anything you accomplish that doesn't quite reach the "ultimate" mark.

Hope you find something helpful in these words, and best of luck on whatever path you decide to follow. lynn09