Thanks guys for all your replies and insights.
I was awake almost all night trying to push it out of my mind.
I don't want to do therapy any more.

I will make myself go to work today and try to have enough of a good attitude to not get fired, but honestly going to therapy was one of the main reasons I was pushing myself to keep working. I thought I needed to get through all this trauma stuff and figure out how to fix my broken bits inside. Need money and/or insurance to do that.

When I did go to sleep about 2 AM, I had a dream about a lady who was like a second mother when I was a teen. In the dream she was yelling at me and I couldn't do anything right - I was trying to make her some tea ((( T .... hummmmm )))) and everything I needed was moved and in different containers. I finally just got mad and threw all the stuff out onto the floor because she wouldn't tell me where the sugar was. I never dream about her, so that was odd.

Feeling right now is no longer anger or pain. I feel distant inside and removed from the world - almost like I finally agree with the universe that I don't belong to it. ??
Whatever. I don't have any strength left to fight all of this. It is not just T - there are major changes at work and they are getting ready to renovate the room I work in. They brought new people to the team that I don't trust and don't know. The one co-worker who I have been working with for 10 yrs is now working from home which makes me open up the building --- and that includes stumbling over the bums sleeping in the doorway (something that triggered me last year into my breakdown as I was afraid they would hurt me one morning) Now I don't even care about that. I wish they would this AM. I don't care anymore. Oh and yesterday I didn't even get to tell my T about the stupid customer I have who was also a major part of my breakdown last year - he told me on the phone yesterday "So did you get on your broom Sunday and go for a ride? HA HA HA HA" ((Implying I am a witch))

This is just not my world and I don't get it and never have. Looks like I never will.
T asked me what I needed and that was what went through my head a lot last night over and over. I have no clue! I guess I just need to not be me.