Posting this here because has a lot to do with my emotions and how i react to things.

Was good session with my T after about half hour of me just babbling and getting through the "i am happy" when i really don't feel it.. through to the crying and then the chat about self worth... hmm emotions high and low..
So we got to the nitty gritty.. still that I blame myself for everything that has gone wrong.. did some role play on that and ok so I know that I wasn't the cause for any relationship break down... but have to get my head to agree with that rational statement.

One thing that did surface is that I have a negative learnt behaviour - my mother blames herself for everything that has gone wrong.. from my father dying of cancer (she should have stopped him smoking) to the fact that my brother and myself have emotional issues (she should have done something different... I have no idea what!).. so I have learnt to" hit myself over the head with a big stick" everytime something goes wrong and place the entire blame and fault squarely on my shoulders..

Okay so now we have a 'cause' and now I have to unlearn the behaviour..

so emotionally I am a wreck that needs to learn that I am worthy and that I am not the cause of the negatives I have in my life.. that the realtionship breakdowns are NOT through any fault of my own.

Breaking the pattern is going to be oh so hard.

How to become an emotionally stable person with self worth.... well firstly have to put the big stick down