I can only imagine what violent atrocities have been heaped upon your partner throughout his life, right from childhood. His dark persecutory other can only mirror this, and that is the tragedy of it, and why he needs good psychotherapy - something deeper than CBT - and understanding to help him heal. Yes, it's frustrating living with someone in the grip of such shadows. Frightening, too. Persecutory alters can't cooperate, that's how they are. The thing is to learn how to access his healthy self. This is something a therapist can help you with. It can be harder when the walls between parts of the psyche are so defended, I know.