All because of my little nine year old brother. My brother has MID and slight autism. He CANNOT stop eating (literally), my Dad treats him almost as if an incapable child, and though he complains about it, my Dad will buy him ANYTHING he wants. My brother is spoiled, my brother argues, resists, with everything, and sometimes I'm really tired of him being around.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, for my brother, and his problems, they aren't his fault. But.. it's so hard sometimes. I have to play mom, and half the time, Dad as well. My Dad likes to do things after work, or during the day and I have to babysit. Well that's okay. But.. my brother has this habit, of running away. Like just now.. he came off the bus and I heard it, and I unlocked the door expecting him to come upstairs in five minutes. He hasn't.

Now usually I would be worried, but I'm not really. This is NORMAL. My brother has taken off countless of times. Usually I would race down to go find him (once spending 6 hours looking by myself cause my Dad wasn't home) and at least 3 or 4 times the cops have found him and had to bring him home and I had to stand there and take them lecturing me like I was incapable or irresponsible. All the time when the cops have come have been when it was me alone at my house.

Now.. I guess this shows how horrible of a babysitter I am, you would think, but those police don't know that he left while I was in the shower and their logic would say to just not have a shower, but what if I had been waiting alll daayy and all night cause my Dad didn't feel like coming home (yes my Dad has been out for over 24 hours before without telling us) and I needed to take a shower? I cant leave my 9 year old brother alone in his house for 10 minutes? They act like it's such a crime while all the other 9 year olds are out playing in the park by themselves for 8 hours after school (i know that was what I was doing at 9)..

This time I don't want to put myself through the stress and the anxiety and the self-hatred, and I kind of think my Dad picked him up, but I have this feeling he didn't. But you see, my Dad was home ALL day. But then, around 10 minutes before Kyle's bus showed up, he all of a sudden decided that it was a great time to do laundry, and took off and now I'm left with my brother who hasn't come home and it's been an hour. Like why..? Honestly? Is it like a scheme to make me seem like the worst sister ever?

My brother has woken up early in the morning on a weekend (6am) and taken off. He's run out of the house while I was in the shower. But this one is his favourite, to just get off the bus and go. I HATE doing this job. I hate it, and I've come to resent my brother so much that it's not healthy and I don't like how I feel but I can't help it.

Like I don't even know what to do anymore.