hi tiff, you deserve and your children deserve a heathy atmosphere to live. do you go to therapy? it could help you sort out things and enable some direction for you. i'm sorry you feel so down right now.  just know we are here and support you. glad u posted of how u're feeling right now. it doesn't fix it but at least you're getting your feelings out here.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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