Things that are inarguably their duty... like their cat, therefore their cat-poo... don't let them slack off. Put the poo in their room to take out. If they leave it by the garage, you take it back to their room. Taking it to the garage isn't taking it out... They expected you to take it out the rest of the way, so do take it the rest of the way... to their room. If they complain... hey, you saw cat poo in your garage, so you did your part, you took it out of your garage! Problem solved! They want to be selfish, you can be selfish too.

And it still bothers me "they think they do enough". Clearly they don't but even if they did that is irrelevant. It is YOUR house, you are doing them a favor, they should be doing as much housework as you want them to do IN RETURN FOR THE FAVOR. If you want, you can make them do ALL of the housework as their "fee" for living there. If they don't like that, let them find a better deal... in some other location.

What upsets me the most is the statement "son had been on his own for 2 years and then came here because I couldn't afford his tuition any longer". That fits in with what you said earlier about him feeling the victim all the time. That is such a horrible way of thinking. He came back because HE couldn't afford to take care of himself! He is not ENTITLED to money for tuition or for living or for anything from you.

Maybe you should write a letter to Dr. Phil. I like his straightforwardness too, Parker.

It is hard to but the feeling into action, but it really is true that you are hurting them more by letting them get away with this... they won't be able to take care of themselves in the real world, and won't ever be able to pursue fulfilling lives if they don't lose that "victim" mentality.

Do whatever you can to get them out, get advice and help from others, for their sake as well as for yours.

Good luck WW

{{{{{{{{WiseWoman}}}}}}}}}