As I read your story, I see so much of my life in yours. Jump forward to my present day, I have been doing the ECT treatments and I HATE it so I am going to stop. They are painful for me, and I can't remember a darn thing that is important unless my husband reminds me over and over. I just got out of the mental hospital because I was suicidal, and in some ways I still am but, like you, our insurance informed my husband that he needed to get me out because we have reached our yearly limit of care. That pisses me off.....how can a life, meaning my own trying to get help run out of "value" as far as insurance goes? So I am home now, all bruised and broken from treatments.

I am not sure I want to live any way. I have a good husband, however, i just got out and one of his friends offered him a free NASCAR ticket and he said yes, meaning I will be left alone all weekend. Am I selfish by wanting him to stay with me? He knows this upsets me but he is going any way.

Sorry, I got sidetracked there. You are loved and welcomed here no matter what you may say or feel. This place is my life line because it is a place that I can vent and I know that SOME ONE will be able to relate and that I am not alone in spirit. Keep posting, we will always listen.