(((Jill)))) how difficult it must have been, still is, to have had to give your dogs away. I am so sorry. As for feeling alone, I am so consumed with pain today because of this that the pain is aghausting.

I have a couple of friends. One of whom enjoys me visiting her shop. but she never has asked me to go to her home. the other friend I speak with avery couple of months or so. And she comes over a few times a year. When I said to someone I felt like I have no friends, she told me to not say that. And to be grateful for the friends I have. It just became so deeply sad that I had to pretend with her also. So I told her shes right. I have lots of good friends who I can be with. She said good !!! thats right !!!. I feel so alone that I must hide how alone I am, if that makes sense. It makes the aloneness that much deeper and intense. I keep saying over and over "today is a good day. I am lucky for everything I have". But my whole being is just aching from pain no matter how positive I try to be. No matter how many times I keep saying that today is a good day and trying to notice all of the good things i do have. Fingers, toes, eyes, heat...... well its really so much. Yet the saddness of being alone consumes me with pain sometimes. I feel like such a failure at the endevor to be positive. Thanks for letting me write this. I appreciate it. My heart is just aching