Thank you wolfsong for being so nice and empathic. It sounds like you have a good grasp on my situation and how I feel. I appreciate the compliments.

Jenkins, I agree with almost everything you said. I am far from perfect. I know I am a hard person to live with. Almost in any separation or divorce, there really isn't one person to blame. If I came across as sounding unfair to her, I didn't mean it to sound that way. That is one of the flaws I have. Especially in a confrontation with her, I get nervous and have trouble trying to articulate what I want to say. I can be very good at listening skills, looking at her point of view, staying calm, etc. However, I tend to slip back into autopilot if I am confronted in an aggressive way. Then I feel like getting away because I can't say what I mean. Even when I can do those things and say "we" could work on things, she starts getting defensive and thinking I'm attacking her. Most of the time, until the last couple of months we were together, she would be very rational but once or twice a month, she would just get furious for no apparent reason. She also has an addiction to spending. She admits that but then later she gets mad because we don't have any money. Then she runs back to her mother after saying, "nothing is ever going to change". Ugh

Anyway, going back to me. Besides not the most articulate person when she confronts me, I will say something that in my mind means one thing but it is said in such a way that it can be misconstrued. Gotta love ADD. Besides that, my constant low level depression leads her to think I haven't been happy with her. I have told her I've always been that way to some extent, and that I was much happier with her than without her. I no longer feel that way. This being the third time she has left me during a hard time in my life. One time it was because she was frustrated with me because it took me so long to finish my Master's thesis. My ADD and depression certainly made it hard to complete it. I take responsibility for that. However, I don't recall a single time she was supportive about it. Instead of saying something loving like "I believe you can do it.", she said, "You are never going to finish your thesis." Now during this separation, she became angry with me because I was down about my mother moving across the country. She can't go a day without seeing or talking to her mother. I don't talk to my mother every day but it still has been hard not having her around at all.

Anyway, this is a lot longer than I meant it to be which goes back to another flaw. I'm very "wordy". Thanks to anyone who actually took the time to read this. It's good to be able to vent or express how I feel. As far as being understanding, she suffers from chronic back pain which she takes narcotic pain killers for. She has became morbidly obese the last few years. Before I met her she had to have a gastric bypass surgery or she would have died or gone blind from a "pseudo cerebri tumor". I figure it's her depression, pain, and perhaps a problem with her brain that makes it really hard to stop eating junk food. It is just really hard seeing someone harm themself like that. I haven't been superficial in that I have told her she is beautiful and I really feel that way. Anyway, I have to head to bed.