thanks Ellie - wow; that is profound.
I think we are both learning more about me as each session goes by. I have never realised that I have major abandonment issues for instance. That my thinking is at times very distorted, presumptious and overly negative.

I did see her last week Friday (29th) and I was in a VERY different frame of mind, as I was going to spend the weekend with a friend.

Today I saw her again. I'm in a bit of a mixed state at the moment, which at least makes me a bit more receptive and open. She only said to me today that I need to learn to self-soothe. So I said to her that I feel I've never learnt how to, and am hoping she has the tools and knowledge to impart on me to learn how to self-sooth.

I used to be able to text her, but then she cut that short. For me it was like cutting a life-line and I really battled. I still text her every now and again, when I'm really battling. While I now know not to expect a reply, she does subtly touch on issues I brought up in the text messages, in our next seession. So she does hear me. I know she wants me to start writing those emotions onto paper, and bring them into session with me; I need to be brave enough to read those emotions and thoughts to her face, as opposed to hiding behind a mask (Of text messages in this case)

She knows I have a very limited support-structure, and when I had the break-down last week, on top of everything, my boyfriend was away.

I do feel we are moving onto a different stage of therapy - "next stage" is a bit of a difficult one to define at this moment, as I'm not quite sure what the sequential steps are, if there are any defined ones. But I notice we are in a different stage none-the-less. I am able to talk much more openly. I'm not coming to session with a whole lot of emotions, but also have a mindset where I am prepared to work through the feelings and not just pour out emotions. I'm much more analytical now.

But there has been no real transference (we touched on it once, as I told her in a text how cared for I felt around her - and then the saga above unfolded..?!?!)

I hope that gives you a bit more insight?!?