ddfk - My family wasn't physically abusive, but my father was emotionally and mentally abusive to me and my mom. He blamed us for most of the things that went wrong in his life. He cheated on mom the whole time they were married. They divorced when I was 15. Now, the weird part is that I worshipped my dad and hated my mom until I grew up and started to see the truth.

Long story shortened - Mom got cancer and died about 15 years ago, but thankfully we made our peace and got to enjoy a few years of really getting to know each other before she died. I'm grateful for that.

Dad, on the other hand, remarried and continued his emotional abuse (he blames me because if mom hadn't gotten pregnant, he wouldn't have married her and given up all his dreams). I put up with it for 20 years - 20 years of traveling for 20 hours in the car to visit him, only to be ignored because he was more interested in his step kids. 20 years of being told that nothing I ever did was good enough. 20 years of being made to feel guilty.

So....last year, I wrote him a long letter explaining how I felt. I had tried several times to talk to him about things, but he wouldn't discuss it. "The past is the past." so, I wrote the letter instead. In response I got a very nasty letter from my step-mom who claimed that my dad never read the letter because she didn't feel he could take what I had to say. (Dad has cancer from 40 years of drinking and smoking) My step-mom only knows what Dad has told her, so she really doesn't have a clue about our relationship. Anyway, I'm leaving so much out, but the end result is that I haven't spoken to him in a year. I moved. I changed my phone number. It gets lonely sometimes. I don't have any family left, except the family I married into.

My therapist told me 20 years ago that I had three choices: 1) accept what dad was willing to give and don't let him hurt me, 2) walk away, or 3) continue to be hurt. It took a very long time to walk away, but I couldn't continue to accept his hurtful behavior and I couldn't just ignore it.

My only real regret? My grandmother (if she were alive) would be sad that I couldn't be a big enough person to ignore his crap. He's old and sick. Part of me wishes I could be more generous and loving to him because he did raise me and I know that in his twisted way, he loves me. However, it just wasn't worth the constant emotional turmoil and pain any more.

Soooo...there are lots of us out here with crappy families. I'm sorry that you are part of our club, but you aren't alone. Sending you a hug and a wish for peace.