Ok, maybe if I wasn't at such a weird stage in my life I wouldn't need to rely on my T as much.... I mean truly, I've gotten tougher ever since I've been to therapy...tougher about NOT relying on her...and its true...The problem is, it seems to me that my circumstances make me more vulnerable to needing her more then normal and if I had different circumstances, I could maintain this strength even longer, I think. I think I would actually be doing fairly well. So, it just stinks, because I feel like everything would be a whole lot easier if I was just in a different circumstance, if i had of moved out of my parents house already and went to school...kept busy..instead, i'm stuck at home a lot, taking care of my brother and running the family business, it makes me have to be alone a lot more then usual...so, actually...it makes sense that I am pissed that today my T never responded to my email, she usually responds the same day... although, I give her the benefit of the doubt, because its a Friday night, she could have been busy,... it would make sense if she was and you should give someone more then one day, ya know? to respond?.....but, at the same time...it STILL pisses me off that she makes me talk about the most painful bs/crap and then leaves me to go home and deal with it on my own. Point taken----If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have the need to email in the first place! don't make me open up again, don't make me talk about a trauma ever again if you can't take 5 minutes out of your freakin day to respond to an email. an email that is full of my reactions towards it... if you can't handle the emails, don't make me talk...she may be annoyed by them I'm not sure or she may not... i just mean damn, seriously...i know in the past i've emailed a lot, a whole hell of a lot but, i feel emotions deeply and i am sensitive...things do not come at me soft and calm, they come at me like a fire burning in my chest, they come at me raging and i do my best to control the negative emotions...my very very best but, SORRY to break it to her but, sometimes my very very best is bad and regardless of how HARD I try...I will still need to contact you...if its 2 or 3 times a week, so be it...although, it isn't...but, i'm just saying don't make me break down in tears in therapy and expect me to not have something to say about it dear. I'm sorry if this post is really negative. I just NEEDED to LET THIS OUT!!!! i really did.

Jazzy