You sound just like me. Lately though things have been a tiny bit improved.
I think sometimes lately I am getting better. I never thought i could. Of course there is the inevitable backslide.......but I think I see a tiny bit of light...the best thing anyone ever said to me was a therapist I had about five years ago. She told me I would get better. I cling to that statement like a drowning woman to a lifeboat. Hang in there. My thoughts 90% of the time tell me otherwise, I mean that I wont get better, but have to start somewhere. I'll take 10% er maybe it is 5% of the time i think Im feeling better............