Hi lonesomedove, as you can see many here can relate to your experiences and feelings. Everyone has provided good information and ideas so this frog of little brain doesn't have much to offer.
I do have an elderly (85) father and my mother passed a little over a year ago from ovarian cancer. I don't live with my dad but do visit him from time to time. Our visits are usually reliving old war stories or wishing he had done things differently with my mom.
It must be very difficult to live under your circumstances. My heart goes out to you. Please feel free to post any time. We're always willing to listen and visit.