Ok so don't know if I mentioned in another thread, ( memory crap and no motivation to look, so sorry if I repeat myself).

I was finally diagnosed with CFS?ME plus RLS a couple of weeks ago by Neuro, so at least I have a diagnosis for the body but the mind is getting worse. I had a total of 4 panic attacks this week over 2 days, highly irritable, talkative and highly volatile, my mind never stops. This morning I freaked myself out by getting woken early by someone shouting my name resulting in me shuffling half asleep to the door to find no one there followed by laughter in my head like I was the butt of a joke or something, very weird! How is it possible to scream at yourself in your own head so loudly to wake up and then hear laughter, it makes no sense!

Yesterday I was at my weekly physio when she took me to a private room, ( unusual), sat me down and asked what was wrong? I said I was fine and she replied that I loooked as though I was about to burst into tears and that I looked knackered and my right hand was jerking around like it was possessed, unnoticed by me until she pointed it out and I had to keep grabbing it to stop! She said that she thought that it was useless for us to carry on physio at the mo as I mentally was not "in the right place", to continue! I was amazed she actually saw "me", and was trying to help. Very touched. She then asked for permission to call my GP as she wanted to talk to him about the circumstances of her effecively signing me off physio. I agreed but am now worried because I kind of slagged him off a bit by implying he gave me the Diclofenic and Diazapam, ( his rec for the muscle pain I get), without much consultation as though he kind of fobbed me off with meds. Now I feel guilty as although it happened the way I said, I now feel so disloyal toward the GP that I cannot make the appt she made me promise I would make, so now I feel more guilty!

What the hell is going on with me?
I feel so weird and scared and angry all at once and I just can't face the GP through shame and fear that he will not take me seriously! I can't take anymore fobbing off! It has been a 5 year cycle now of being passed through the medical proffessionals and all I am getting out of it is frustation and enerally getting worse and losing the plot!

I'm so sorry this turned out to be so long but it can't be helped.

Please can anyone tell me whats going on? Do you recognise behaviours that are Bipolar linked because I do and as yet undiagnosed, I'm terrified that without a proper diagnosis and medication, it will get even worse. According to psyche O have no type 1 disorder, so explain how a sane person would do these things cause I can't.

I'm in the tunnel heading toward insanity and I can't see a way out!!