Yes, I'm back on with the same petty complaints.

Alright, seriously I have to ask why am I alive at all? I don't deserve it. There are people out there that are dying that would do anything to be alive and here I am. I also feel like I should be abused. I know that is such a horrible thing to even DARE to say on here, but none of you people deserve such things, in my mind I think I do. I hurt my brothers inrage, but then again, I'm probably overreacting, and they are pretty bratty kids. But.. I just feel like I need to be slapped, knocked sensless, have a taste of my own medicine.
Anyway, I feel like I'm dying on the inside, and the world around me is spilling out of control. Once me and my mom were at a mall (discussing Johnny Depp because we both are fans) and I meantioned me and him are a tad alike (don't remember why now) and I then meantioned "he was a cutter" and my mom's like "You BETTER not" so... I just bit my lip, knowing I already had. It would make my mom think she's a bad parent sinse I'm the fourth to go wrong, so I pretend its okay for her sake, after all I'm holding her back, I'm the only reason we stay in a crappy house in a crappy town with her crappy job. I have horrible self hatred, but right now I'm okay, but earlier I locked myself in my room and cried non-stop. Also I can never take a compliment from someone without assuming its a lie. I feel so talentless, useless..

I know everyone here just wants me to plain out tell them, but I can't, I don't want to be another stress in their life. Besides, I just cannot imagine actually going to see someone about my feelings, I haven't been able to share my deep feelings sinse... as far as I can remember, how the heck am I suppose to? Only here and in my writing I can, but with actual WORDS?

Wow, this was longer than I attended... this read is not for the lazys.
Sorry!