I'm crying. I'm in pain. I want it to end. I want everything to end. Yet, I keep going...deep inside I want it all to end. I wish everything could end. I strive to do everything right and constantly fail. I strive to make sure I help, nurture and please other people because I care but, its never good enough and I always fall short. deep inside, i have those thoughts---thoughts that i want everything to end. thoughts i will not act on. thoughts that cut at me..that make me want to scream...that make me feel like SOMEONE ...ANYONE should know...but, instead I'll probably just eat---as a comfort---go to bed tonight with another bad dream and wake up to a constant dream that is all the same...people say be optimistic and i've tried and i keep trying but, its very very hard. i try to be less condependent and more independent..but its very very very hard...i try to be sooo much...i don't understand why the minute we show up in the world people are trying to strip us of who we are, not only the positive but, the negative...of course, some things are unacceptable...but, some negative traits u have are just a part of being human....is it okay that I'm just human? is that okay? because it obviously feels like its not okay. i want to give up on myself. i want to give up on everything. i want to leave this house. i feel trapped and alone. i feel like i am suffocating sometimes when i am hanging out with friends, or going to see a movie...i smile but, i feel like i'm suffocating.--truly...really...I'm sick of everything. i feel useless and unimportant. tear**