I understand some of what you are going through, Razz. I feel like that almost every time I "wake up" after another night of insomnia and being stuck alone with my thoughts......
It is normal to be human. I remember especially that one time my mom had to tell my dad that I am not one of his rechargeable electric saws or something. He depends on me a lot, like the rest of my family does. But what people tend to not understand is that everyone is human, and eveyone will fall short at something.
I also feel trapped, a lot. But I want to suggest something to you. Are you seeing a counselor? Because if you aren't, they can help. A lot. They are someone to talk to and someone with advice. I do not know how old you are, but if you are still going to school, maybe you could talk to the school counselor? That is what I am going to try on Monday.
I know that thoughts can cut way more than knives, and that is one of the reasons why I am suggesting this to you. You sound like you are in a lot of pain, and I want to help. So just think about that. If you decide to see somebody, then I wish you luck. And I will wish you luck even if you don't.
Now you have to wish me luck on not chickening out of talking to my counselor!