Hi and thanks everyone for your kind words of support, it is appreciated.

To answer some questions, when I got the diagnosis of CFS/ME plus RLS I was told there are medications available to me but I already had the Diclofenic, (for muscle spasms) and the Diazapam from the GP but as the body is not too bad at the mo , I haven't needed to take anything. The only med I take is over the counter paracetamol for the constant headaches with the odd Migralieve thrown in. So the mental health issues are not med related and they have been going on for nearly 5 years now in various states of intensity.

I have been visiting the Pdoc for 4 years with no diagnosis no matter what state I go to see them and believe me there have been major swings in mood and emotion between these sessions which they could not have missed but apparently I'm fine. They have tried to pawn me off to therapy twice now and both assesments have found me unsuitable for treatment!

Weird thing is when I first went to the GP 5 years ago when I started feeling a bit "off", I was put on Prozac which resulted in me undertaking some strange behaviour ie: Driving over a 100 miles round trip for a pack of smoothies I don't even like! Finding that I had driven myself to the local hills in the midle of the night because I wanted fresh air! Suffice to say I stopped the Prozac and changed to Citalopram, (this was when my GP referred me to Pdoc), I was still acting weird on Cit so after an anxious call to the GP he called mental health support and they added Chlopromazine. 2 mths on no change and me getting worse, I was taken off both meds and given Trazadone. Then I went to see Pdoc and they took me off the Trazadone and said I did not need meds despite the fact I was sitting there shaking, in tears and saying how scared I was at the changes in me! Fast froward 5 years and here I am, abandoned by Pdoc, disbelieved and in all honesty I believe I am manic, ( took manic quiz on this site last night and scored 67).

So after 2 GP's, 6 Pdocs, 2 therapists, 2/3 physios and a Neuro exam, I have been given ME/CFS as a diagnosis.

I am grateful that physically I know whats going on but mentally I am falling apart and looking at the list, is it any surprise I don't hold much hope for treatment.

So in a nutshell, I am on no meds so that is not the reason for my mental state though I understand why you asked Innerzone plus my mental health was deteriorating before the physical stuff happened.

As meds are not to blame as I don't take any, I can only assume that whatever mentally is happening is pure and not med started although I do wonder if that first Prozac all those years ago started a chain reaction plus I know that in an undiagnosed Bipolar patient, you cannot give a SSRI withoout a mood stabilizer or they might go manic, well isn't that what happened!

I'm just so disallusioned with the docs that I've ended up here again for support as it is just me and my 13year old and it's not fair that she has to put up with a mum that is as mad as a brush and unpredictable to boot.

I know you will say see the GP and get a referral back to psyche but really whats the point? I can't knock my head off that wall again, I'm just not strong enough to take that rejection again as I technically have meds in the house that I could take to make it all go away permanently and the fear is that I know I'm capable of doing it if I get rejected as "your fine", once more. I can't and won't put myself through it again. Indeed I believe half the problem is their fault for allowing it to get to this level by not listening to me.

I'm lost and scared and disallusioned so where so I go now?