I'm glad to see that you care and are feeling bad about your comments to your wife. Right now I am on the receiving end of those mocking and backhanded comments (including flat out name calling) and it's hard to believe he actually feels bad about it. He claims that it's like things just come out without thinking and half the time he doesn't even remember saying or doing those things.

personally, I don't understand the exact mechanism behind them but I know it is a defense mechanism. Clearly at some point there was a breakdown in communication without nipping it in the bud. That just leads to resentment on both parts and automatically jumping to defensiveness because everyone is just assuming it will turn into a big argument and nasty comments.

The big thing now is whether these feelings can be combated. At some point there is no return and it's up to you two to decide where that point is. I know it's easier said than done to actually express your frustrations and concerns about jobs, money etc... but that really is the start of it. If communication is what started these feelings of resentment, then communication is what has to fix it.

I'm glad you came here for help. We are always here to listen or talk, whichever is needed at any time. And you have already helped me in my situation without actually realizing it! I hope everything works out with you and your wife. Keep us updated.