Hello everyone... Isn't it strange that one can feel so alone in a world where so many are hurting in the same way as yourself? We share so many things, fear and anxiety, depression, panic attacks, fear that we might be going crazy? Fear of feelings and thoughts, of other people and situations. Fear of the past and fear of the present. ... I am 32 yrs old. I have lived most of my life in fear and anxiety. Not many would know because on the outside I look ok. I even feel pretty at times. I get lots of compliments. I have beautiful kids and a wonderful husband. I have a house and wonderful neighbours. I have friends who cares. Still... there are times during each day when I ask my self how I will be able to continue life, like this. I've tried so many things. Therapy, dealt with the past, got addicted to Internet, tried to shut of feelings, got rid of anger, tried to become a slave of the bdsm society .- to lose all the control...turned to that and women and became addicted... dealt with depression.... now trying medicine and therapy again. And total honesty. But I don't know if I any hope left. Hope that I can become whole as a person. That I can find the true ME and be content and "happy" (whatever that means?). I grew up in fear and don't have many happy memories... How do we find a new self? Is it possible? Is it too late? What am I to become? ... I know I can't give up because it's not an option. But life is so hard to live. I'm so afraid. I'm so sick of being afraid. I don't know if I care anymore....
/hazeleyes