{{{{{{{{{Dreamer}}}}}}}}}}}} Two years is very good. Be proud of the fact that you made it that long. You did good. Don't let this mishap make you feel like you didn't accomplish anything. The triggers you mentioned, the stress you are under right at this moment are HUGE to say the least. The question is now that you have cut where do you go from here? Now that you have relieved some of the pressure it is time for you to try to remember all the things that you do to make yourself feel good. All the things that are good coping measures that have carried you through the last almost 2 years. Sure you say you have not had any major triggers but there were bound to be times when you felt stressed and needed comforting. What did you do then, when the stress wasn't so large. Those things can help you now. I find that if I can locate the specific trigger and how it connects to things that happen in the past I can reduce my need to cut...I guess it puts some perspective on the situation and relieves the intensity of the moment.

Meds are not the answer. They can help eliviate the stress that may lead to cutting but I think there is a psychological addiction factor to cutting. Meds help with pysiological stuff but the psychological addiction is harder to deal with. The truth is, cutting works and it works fast. That makes it an easy way to deal with intense feelings that over whelm the psyche. It is a maladaptive coping response but it works. That is why it is so hard to stop. I keep practicing my new coping procedures but the fact is that they just don't work as well or as quickly as cutting does. But as I practice and get better at them and start to make them a regular habit I find the my need to cut is reduced substantially. Intense emotions brought on by certain triggers however override all the stuff I have been working on because I need help NOW not in the more extended time that the other things take. It may have to do with my particular brand of mental illness. When I am triggered I return to the moment that the original trauma happened. I am not "remembering" that pain but actually living that pain again. I am in that emotional place as if it is happening right here right now. It is like an emotional flashback...is it simular to ptsd? Often times I don't even know what those emotions are connected too until after I have had a chance to calm down and process it. I don't know if this is the experience of the other people here who cut but it is why I cut. I believe that I can kick the habit so to speak but I think that the only way is by being proud of the steps I have made and forgive myself for the times I just can't seem to help it. I made it almost three months this time, I will be so incredibly proud when I make it almost 2 years.
Take care,
Carrie

<font color=blue>The soul should always stand ajar ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.--Emily Dickinson