I know its scarey knowing a violent memory piece is there. While in the memory piece of Margo I threw a table at my therapist at that time.

One minute we are sitting there talking about my son being taken and put into foster care the second time and the next Im sitting there trying to come back from la la land and the room a disaster. my therapist is nowhere to be seen. I fade in and out of my la la land and suddenly my therapist is back. She had to notify the supervisor and find out what to do since usually the police/ambulance are called when a client is violent and out of control. She was told I can control this and to end the appointment. By the next appointment my therapist had talked with some DID professionals and found out that violent alters can be controlled. The person in a memory piece can only act out the information contained in the memory that has been triggered. Already stored memories can not be changed as inthe content already there but new information can be added to that memory content. Every time a memory piece is being "rerun" the 5 senses are still recording what is happening at that moment. So all my therapist had to do was tell me when I was in that memory piece that throwing things at her was unacceptable and tell me other things I can do instead. For a while she had to keep telling me that both when I was aware and when I was in memory pieces so that all my memory peices would contain that new memory content. Once that information was stored as a memory of her telling me this there is no way that I can throw things at her anymore. We did this process for each memory piece we knew about so that no matter which memory piece now that I am in there is no danger, Because a person with DID can only act out what the stored memory content is,

In order for you to act out like this in the present while in the memory piece of "Amber" somewhere in the past you were in a situation where you had to do this to get out of the situation. You cant go back and change that situation to change the memory but you can add to what is already there by having your therapist tell you the next time you are in the memory piece Amber that you are not to do it again and you won't be able to kick out in anger ever again while in the memory piece Amber. For safety sake I would also suggest that amber not be the only memory piece you are in when being told this so that no matter what memory piece you are in in the future you will not be able to kick out and hurt yourself again.

I know that having a violent memory piece is scary, it still scares me but It getting easier for me because it has been three years from the day I threw that table and It has never happened again even though I ended up in the memory piece of margo many times since then.

Take care.