Quote:
Originally Posted by widgets
Sometimes, i do actually have fun while i drink every now and then, but its getting less and less often, i have had this problem since i was 14 and i am now 20, i have tried to commit suicide while drunk around 10 times. when alcohol controls our actions and makes our choices for us, it's generally concluded one is a problem drinker if not alcoholic. most ppl don't try to off themselves. you're young and have your whole life ahead of you.I forgot to mention i also have Bipolar. those of us who are bipolar have a tendency to self medicate on alcohol. for me it took me into the throes of alcoholism. then i figured out i had a problem with alcohol. one doesn't have to follow my path to self destruction. i'm 20 years sober but i wanted to check out when i was drinking. I know i have a problem with alcohol and its affect on me isnt right, i never pass out after too much alcohol, i just go crazy!!
If i never drink again, then it basically feels like there will be no point to my life. imho that comment is a red flag  ...so do you put that much importance in alcohol to have a meaningful and fufilling life?
And i know thats not right, needing alcohol to have a point to my life, but i dont know which is more important to me, alcohol, or not having to have alcohol. my personal "research" on this proved to me that having alcohol was a living hell by the time i got sober.
I feel that if i went to an AA meeting, it would make me feel worse rather than better, the thought of knowing i could NEVER drink again would be so horrific for me. once again you're stating that alcohol rules you. you don't rule the alcohol. so what's the great payoff here? you've mentioned what happens to you when you drink.
I think this is a case of, you need to accept it before you can change it. I dont know whether i will ever be able to accept it. well posting here is a good step forward. you're questioning your drinking history. i hope we see you here/this forum again.
But do you have any tips on things to do instead of drinking when all my friends will be out drinking! |
i read your public profile. do all your friends end up where you do when drinking? if so maybe it would help to find some friends that don't put so much value in being drunk but instead having a good sober time. there are alot of ppl that don't need alcohol to have fun.
not busting you. i understand where you are. just wanted to give you some things to think about. living a sober life has been so much more fulfilling than any time i drank.  you might want to give it a go for 30 days not drinking. see if your life improves. my bet's on it will.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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