I am sorry for your loss...sounds empty doesn't it. But I mean it. I lost a grown son three years ago and I lost his twin at about 5 months pregnancy. The losses were very different but both were very real. Maybe part of you is judging yourself because your son wasn't born, so that part of you tells you that you don't really have anything to grieve, after all you never really had a son. Well...don't listen to that judgemental part of you. Your son was real, he was alive, and you loved him. You already had a relationship with him although you had never met. You had hopes, dreams, expectations, fantasies of bonding moments and father son activities. You need to give yourself pemission to grieve. I am not sure that you have yet.

One suggestion...write him a letter, maybe a letter a day, in a journal. Telling him how you feel and how you miss him and all the dreams you had for him. If you believe in heaven, then tell him how you look forward to meeting him one day and getting to know him. Even if you never share the journal with anyone else I think it will help.

As to your T ... maybe you need to find a T who has experienced the loss of a child, or just someone who specialises in grief and loss. I get a feeling that your T isn't taking this as seriously as needed.

Finally, I really feel that you should consider a grief and loss support group. Compassionate Friends is an organisation of people who have lost children --- for any and all kinds of reasons. There are groups in many cities and they have a website. These are people who will truly understand. Maybe listening to them will help you give yourself the permissions you need to really grieve.

Hope something here helps ... my heart hurts for you.