Dear Blackmoon, my son took his life 3 years ago, 7 weeks before his 30th birthday. I think of him every day. I go thru the 'wish I'd' 'Why didn't I' 'wish I hadn't' 'if only' My biggest 'if only' is if only I could see & talk to him one more time.
I couldn't find any grief counselling groups near us but found 'survivors of suicide' on Facebook. I found that better than any live group & made online friends with a number of people.
Suicide grief is completely different to any other bereavement & takes longer to deal with. There is no time frame.
One thing I say to people...when they say 'you'll get over it'. huh. you never get over it...you learn to live with it.
I still talk about him all the time, I think his brother & sister get a bit taken aback when I bring him into the conversation but he's part of our family, always was, always will be. When people ask I alway say I have 3 kids.
Mmm... anyway this is just to let you know you're not the only one & if you need to talk I'm here.
big hugs