Shadow Wraith, are you still hoping to somehow stay together with your wife? Or have you definitely decided to get divorced? There seem to be so many problems you have described that it is overwhelming! Personally, I would not be able to sort out so many issues on my own, no matter how hard I tried. If it were me, I would go to a good couples therapist and lay it all in front of the counselor and see what he/she could suggest. It seems very complicated, but perhaps a really skilled therapist could pick a path through it all that the two of you could take to untangle your relationship and get back to why you liked and loved each other in the first place.

Good luck.